Take a pause. Take a moment. Connect with your child!

Connecting with your child or children, especially in these days where social media and technology has such a driving force in our lives, has become a challenge- and this goes for children and parents.  Whether your child is glued to cartoons or you find yourself aimlessly swiping through Facebook and Instagram feeds, there seems to be a lack of us taking intentional time to connect with our children and let them know daily that we care for them and want to spend time with them.

I distinctly remember my first day of college studying to be an early childhood educator.  Our teachers taught us that even a child of under five years old is competent.  This was a shock to me.  However, our teachers were persistent.  Children are competent and capable and we should view them this way instead of limiting them based on our assumptions of their capabilities. 

Instead of spending hours on Pinterest searching for the perfect activity to connect with your child, let’s first view them as God does. Repeatedly, God speaks truths to us in His Word that we are His children (John 1:12) and we are accepted (Romans 15:7).  We are righteous, sanctified and redeemed.  (1 Corinthians 1:30). So let’s start there.  Speak life into your children.  Even when they are throwing a tantrum or acting as if brushing their teeth is the end of the world.

I am continually surprised by how capable my oldest son Mishael (3 years old) is.  We received a devotional to do with our two sons as a gift.  I skimmed through the pages and as wonderful as the devotions were, they were obviously intended for much older children. 

However, viewing my son as a competent individual and not limiting him based on his age, I thought we’d give it a try.  We read through it during dinner, answered the questions and that was that.  I quietly assumed he hadn’t gotten anything from it.

Later that night I was pleasantly surprised to hear Mishael talking to his younger brother (who was not quite 1 years old yet) about the devotional.  Although he had been busy munching away on his dinner, he had actually been listening and understanding.  To this day, months later, he implements what he learnt from that devotional every day.

So there you have it.  View your child as God sees them.  Do not limit them based on their age or your assumptions.  God has created them to be able of so much more than we think.  When you are thinking of ways and activities to connect with them throughout the day, don’t limit your ideas.  Think outside the box and think big!

Follow your child’s interest.  A great way to begin connecting with your child is to take time to notice what they are interested in.  As a very crafty Mom, I am quick to provide homemade playdough and art activities for my boys, but reality is, they just aren’t into it!  Now this probably is not the case for all of you Moms, but for me it is. 

What I have noticed, is that every time I bake my oldest wants to be involved.  If you have a toddler, you would probably agree that baking with them is messy!  It’s a lot easier to distract them with a cartoon while you whip up some cookies or banana bread.

Sometimes, we need to let our own concerns or pet peeves go if it means we get to connect with our children.  For me, this means allowing my kitchen to be covered in flour and knowing that I will have to take those extra minutes to clean it up later. 

My sons loves to bake.  And so almost every day we bake muffins, bread or a breakfast loaf because this is something he is interested in and how he enjoys connecting with me.  It’s not always about us and keeping our house in order or the kitchen clean (this is mine for sure!), but taking moments to pause and notice what our children’s interests are and developing an activity based on them. 

When you go on a nature walk because your child loves the outdoors, or when you build an entire Lego city together because your child likes to be busy with his or her hands, you will connect so much more than if your activity with them is driven by your interests and your motives.

Put your phone down.  These days, with all we have access to, it is so easy to constantly have our phones in hand.  Cell phones do a lot more than just make a call or send a text like they used to.  As parents, it is so easy to become lost scrolling through our Facebook posts or Instagram feeds. 

If you’re anything like me, I will pin a gazillion activities I intend to do with my children on Pinterest until I later realize that the thirty minutes I spent “pinning” could have been better spent reading a book or building blocks with my boys.

Sometimes connecting with your child doesn’t mean you have to do something extravagant like baking or needlepoint.  Sometimes, it’s as easy as engaging with your child in whatever it is that they are doing in that moment.  For me, a mom of boys, it’s often the repeated building up of blocks and knocking them down.  For you and your children it might be curling up together and reading books, or dressing up and playing imaginary games.

Without even realizing, it’s easy to let our own agenda’s get in the way of connecting with our children.  We might find ourselves lost in social media or busy keeping the house clean.  But taking a pause from whatever it may be that we think is so important and letting our children know that we love them with not just our words, but our actions can allow us to connect and develop such a strong bond with them. 

I love how the New Living Translation puts it in 1 John 3:18, “Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” 

Take that pause.  Take that moment.  Put your own interests and agenda’s aside to just be with your child.  Reflect on their interests and viewing them as God does, connect with them every day.